When life throws you a curve ball, which it invariably will, how do you respond? Most of us default to drama in one sense or another, perhaps falling into victim-hood, anger and bitterness. This is often known as the ‘why me’ stage of moving through an experience we don’t prefer. And if you’re human, you’ve probably found yourself here more than once.
Following my amicable separation from my children’s father last November I met a man who seemed to be everything I was looking for, he was from another city but we didn’t let the impracticality get in the way. It felt intense, intoxicating and like it was meant to last. After a while of the relationship blossoming (or so I thought) I introduced him to my children and my friends, even went up to visit him. Then it fell apart, abruptly and painfully. I immediately got caught up in my own drama, “why was I so stupid”, “didn’t see that coming”, “why did I let him get close to me and my kids” – you know the drill? I was sad, hollow, beating myself up and distracted – all my energy was bound up in the circular thoughts about him and why it all went wrong and things he said about me that I won’t repeat. Everyone is entitled to an opinion after all.
One day I got a message from my smarter self – she who knows about curve balls and she who throws them back with a smile. She whispered in my ear, “It’s a chapter – its not your whole book”, which is a line my mentor Mary Morrissey has used in live training to describe her own moving through pain and drama to reach enlightened thinking and a more positive outlook. Immediately I felt reassured, better, more complete and less agitated. I said it again to myself and it became a mantra to interrupt those draining thoughts – the “why me’s”, I also used my hands like an open book and brought them together with a clap (to look like hands in prayer) to help startle myself back to a better train of though. This physical action helped too – feel free to try it!
Several months on, I feel nothing but compassion for the man from another city. I appreciate his struggles and can sympathise with his perspective, even on the things he said which hurt me, because they came from a place of hurt in him. Its important to note that forgiveness is not just for other people, sometimes the person you really need to forgive is yourself. I blamed myself and felt bad about my children being involved in a situation that could hurt them – this for me was probably more painful than the rejection. In my DreamBuilder course (see Working with me) we spend two weeks exploring forgiveness of others and self – learning to find compassion and strength from within and to express it to those who may have hurt us, knowing that they are hurt too.
If you’re struggling with the “why me’s” or would like to learn more about the courses and support I offer, please book a FREE one-to-one chat with me online, my calendar shows you my available spots.
I wish you well and keep in mind, it’s a chapter – not your whole book – your life is precious and unrepeatable and you deserve to feel like your best self every day.
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