Blog Series Part 3:
Welcome to part three in my blog series, From Self-Doubt To Self-Belief, Reclaim Your Power! Today we investigate MANAGING fear and self-doubt better! So that you can FEEL more confident despite the fear that accompanies the route to greater success.
Why Do We Feel Fear?
Who doesn’t feel fear? It is a natural reaction to a stimulus that we believe may harm us. Originating in our ancient selves and designed to protect us from life threatening events. When you feel the adrenaline and fight-or-flight responses kick in – that’s your fear doing a really good job! It helps us to act fast and stay safe. Clearly, in today’s society, life threatening events are less common. Many of us do still fear lots of things, sometimes irrationally, often because we don’t want to look foolish or fail publicly.
It’s My Life And I’m Driving!
The fear of publicly failing often stops us from even trying new things – can you relate? Over the years I have grown my courage so that its bigger than my fear. That doesn’t mean I never feel fear, I do. But I don’t let it drive my actions or my results. So be mindful when you feel fear. You can acknowledge it – as you would advice from a caring partner or parent – it but sit it in the passenger seat. That’s right, you’re driving! Remember who is boss!
Could Fear Be A Side Effect Of Success?
Fear has many roles to play, it is a big signal that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. That is often a good thing! Does that sound counter intuitive? Think about it. Does staying still, never doing anything new or brave because of fear keeps us small? Some may say YES! Then doing the things that scare us, taking little steps at first, demonstrates the growth we are striving to achieve. The fear is almost like a side effect of success. Re-framing fear can help us to feel more powerful when it comes up. Oh! So its just a side effect of my future success! Reassuring isn’t it?
Are Fear And Self-Doubt The Same?
No. Fear is a physiological response. Self-Doubt is a negative thinking pattern or paradigm. But they do share some commonalities. Both stop us from stepping into new things both can ‘encourage’ us to play small! You are reading this, so I’m guessing you have caught yourself thinking or feeling that you are not quite good enough?? That part of you that says what if I fail, or someone like me could never do that, or what will people I care about say if I try and fail? Or who’d ever want me as their life coach……that was one of mine just before I trained as a Life coach! And I am So glad that I took a decision at that moment not to listen to my self doubt. To push forwards regardless towards a life I know would make me happy. Believe me I have had all of these thoughts and moved through them using the strategies I use to help my clients every day. If I can you can!
Can I Manage My Fear and Self-Doubt?
Yes! The first step is to identify our self limiting beliefs. These are sometimes called paradigms and they are long held thinking patterns which can be negative and tend to undermine our self confidence and self belief. Paradigms stop us from moving forwards when their voice is louder than our courage.
Self Limiting beliefs Can and Do Create Fear
Here are some of my old self-limiting beliefs, I worked on these with my own coach before I trained as a life coach;
- I am not good enough
- I don’t deserve love from myself or anyone else
- People like us aren’t rich
- I’m bad a choosing in relationships
- I’m nothing special, average and that’s all I’ll ever be
- I don’t deserve success in my career
Pretty harsh aren’t they? If you share some or all of these please know and feel that you aren’t alone. Many of my clients struggle with similar inaccurate but longstanding beliefs about themselves which literally hold them back. Here’s what I know to be true. You can overcome even deeply ingrained thinking patters and find a happier healthier version of yourself. I’ve done it, and I’ve helped multiple clients to do it.
Some of Our Most Common Fears
Here are a few more common examples that I’ve helped my clients overcome – some you may relate to. Perhaps you may have your own different beliefs but I think these may help you identify them. As we have said, our most common fears are often based on failing, being humiliated, feeling or looking stupid, publicly embarrassing ourselves.
Fear of:
- public speaking, or even speaking up at a meeting in case you are lost for words or mess it up
- trying something new even if you know you need to
- meeting new people even if you’re a bit lonely
- starting a new relationship in case you get hurt
- leaving a relationship that’s not working in case you’re lonely/broke/end up with someone worse
- starting a new job/role even if you dislike the one you’re in
- travel in case something goes wrong
- changing a routine because familiarity feels secure for you
- not doing a piece of work to the standard you have set for yourself so not even starting it (procrastination is sometimes part of perfectionism but that’s a different course all on its own!)
So, most of us struggle with some or all of the self limiting beliefs we have covered. So lets take some action to help us move forwards beyond them.
Building Self-Belief
Simply knowing that the FEAR that has held us back doesn’t have to STOP us is a big relief isn’t it? We can manage it, and we get more skillful over time. So when you next feel confronted, take a breath and tell yourself its because you’re stepping into your bigger bolder self! I’ve worked with clients to help them overcome ALL of the above – and to BUILD a strong, lasting sense of Self-Belief and empowerment.
If you’d love to learn more about the strategies and tools I use to help BUILD Self-Belief, please comment below and book yourself in for a FREE 30 minute chat with me. I’ll help you identify what may be holding you back and we can look what you hope to achieve in your life and begin to work on an action plan to getting there.
If you’re super keen to dive deep into the proven strategies and tools to build self-belief that I use with my clients, my new course From Self-Doubt to Self-Belief, Reclaim Your Power is for you! To find out more just email me at vickyevans.lifecoach@gmail.com or use the book a session button to arrange a chat!
Believe in my belief in YOU!
Vicky